


IM Ultra

by Arukou



Category: Avengers Assemble (Cartoon), Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mind Control, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Temporary villain death, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, no non-con, temporary break-up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-14 04:08:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11200140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arukou/pseuds/Arukou
Summary: Steve and Tony have only been dating for a month when Tony begins to act strangely and the Avengers begin to get suspicious.





	1. Preliminary Research

**Author's Note:**

> For the Cap/Iron Man RBB, inspired by [lovely artwork by Wett](https://wett029.tumblr.com/post/161845028307/some-stevetony-angst-for-stevetony-rbb). Thank you for being a wonderful RBB partner and putting up with my delays and dithering.
> 
> The title is a reference to MK Ultra, a CIA program that was all sorts of messed up.
> 
> Also, I know Jan isn't in AA, but SHE SHOULD BE, so I put her there.
> 
> Many thanks to MusicalLuna for being a fantastic beta and sounding board.

Tony hadn’t felt so nervous for a date since his first one at age sixteen (Clara van Houten, who’d had had a cute gap in her teeth and giggled uncontrollably when Tony’s voice cracked.) And really, it wasn’t logical that his nerves were getting the better of him. It wasn’t their first date. It wasn’t even their third date. He and Steve had been going on between-mission dates for nearly a month-and-a-half now. But this was the first date post “boyfriend.” Had it really only been last Friday that Steve had pecked him goodnight and that peck had turned out into a quietly soft makeout session and then Steve had whispered, “Are we going steady now?” Tony—suave, smooth, loquacious Tony—had nearly swallowed his own tongue.

“Do you…do you want that?”

Steve looked up from under soft golden lashes and something inside Tony did a tiny somersault.

“I’d really like that, Tony. I’d like…I care about you a lot and I’d just really like to see where this goes.”

“Okay. Okay then. Yeah. Going steady. Dating. Boyfriends. Sounds peachy. Can I kiss you again?”

And Steve had allowed it, given Tony one last long, sweetly slow kiss, their hands intertwined like some sort of cheesy Hallmark card, and then he’d backed away, his eyes still bashfully lowered, his cheeks flushed red. Tony had gone to bed on clouds, heart singing, face frozen in a dopey grin. “Boyfriends,” he whispered to himself. It’d been years since he last had a serious relationship. International terrorism followed up by superheroing and corporate overhaul tended to eat away at his schedule and really, dating Steve meant that every fight with a baddy on the streets of Manhattan technically kind-of-sort-of counted as a date. Maybe this time he could make it work, properly devote enough time to Steve to give him everything he deserved.

Really, they were already off to a good start. Lunch date. That was the sort of thing boyfriends did, Tony was pretty sure. _Cosmo_ told him so, anyway. Or at least it had in the doctor’s office last week while he was waiting for a preliminary evaluation. (“No cell phones allowed,” the sign on the wall had cheerily announced, and the glowering secretary behind the desk had made sure that Tony’s tablets and phones remained safely tucked away.)

Because he was daydreaming, Tony missed Steve’s entrance, which was a shame because Steve’s entrances were always something to savor. There was something so appealing about a 6’2” blond pinnacle of human perfection red-cheeked and wind-tossed from his motorcycle ride, haloed in the light of a doorway. But Steve standing shyly at their table, head ducked, sweetly earnest grin on his face, was equally lovely and Tony looked up at him for a moment, completely caught in the glow of him.

“H-hey,” he said. Very smooth. Very charming.

“Hey, Tony. I hope I didn’t keep you waiting.”

“No, not at all,” Tony said as he stood. “I was just…you know. Thinking of ways to solve the world energy crisis.”

“Sure you were,” Steve murmured, the barest hint of teasing in his voice as he leaned in to give Tony a kiss.

Tony was well aware that this was the honeymoon phase, when everything felt new and sweet and wonderful, but he was being swept up in it anyway. He got to kiss Steve in public, peeping-Tom patrons be damned. They were boyfriends now and Tony would be perfectly happy for the world to know it. Steve Rogers: taken. Tony Stark: taken. Go ahead _Daily Bugle_ , do your worst.

They sat, but Steve took Tony’s hand right away, idly brushing at scars and callouses as he looked around the restaurant. “I don’t think I’ve ever been here, before,” he said. “It’s so close to the mansion. How did I miss it?”

“Well, they were closed for a while. Repairs from…” Tony trailed off and glanced out the window where a crane was working to reconstruct the façade of one of the nearby skyscrapers. Steve squeezed a little, his fingers warm and soft, and Tony shook his head. “Anyway, they’ve been here for a while. Family-owned place. Just your kind of thing.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Steve asked. Sometimes he was so open, so earnest, that Tony felt he could barely stand it. How could so much goodness possibly be packed into one man?

“No, it’s fine. Don’t mind me. What’s on your docket for today?”

Steve pursed his lips, but after a moment, he let it slide, though he squeezed Tony’s hand again, as if to say, _It’s ok. Whenever you’re ready._ “Well, Jan and I have a meeting to discuss the application of Pym particles in emergency situations. I’ve been thinking maybe we can use them to shrink down wreckage so we can try and get to anyone buried in there faster. What do you think?”

“Hmm…I’m not sure. The mass displacement is a problem. If we can’t get the density right, it might end up hurting anyone who’s trapped just by the concentration of atoms.”

Steve nodded along and they talked shop until the waitress came to take their orders. Steve blushed prettily, and Tony felt another wave of overwhelming sappiness hit him. “I completely forgot to look at the menu,” Steve confessed, flipping quickly through the pages. “You know the menu. Would you mind…”

“Sure, Steve. I think you’d like the arrabiata. It’s a little spicy, but they put chorizo in it here and it’s just—“ Tony kissed the tips of three fingers and flicked them into space.

“Sounds good.”

“And for you, sir,” the waitress asked. She had a sensible air about her, and even though she certainly knew who they were, she didn’t seem terribly start-struck. Bless New Yorkers and their unflappability, Tony thought to himself.

“I’ll have the squid ink pasta,” Tony said out loud, and then he glanced at Steve. “And can we get San Pellegrinos for both of us? Blood orange.”

“Of course, sir,” she said, and whisked the menus away. When Tony glanced back to Steve, he was met with a wry smile.

“Squid ink pasta?”

“I like it,” Tony said, feigning affront.

“I just figured after you got doused in ink last week with that giant sea monster, you’d be feeling a little differently.”

“I’m having my revenge, thank you very much. I refuse to let giant mollusks ruin one of my favorite foods.”

Steve guffawed and shrugged. “Suit yourself. I personally won’t be able to look at calamari for a month.”

Tony grinned as the conversation naturally fell back to shop-talk. Steve just felt so easy, in a way other people never did to Tony. There was a way he had with gently coaxing each of them into better strategies, safer superhero practices, that seemed perfectly natural. Sure, he could be as critical and demanding as the next super soldier, but he also knew how to play his team to its strengths. And he knew how to gently tease without making Tony feel criticized, which was a skill Tony valued immensely.

And Steve was also good at steering them into non-superhero related topics, too. After the rehashing of the Calamari Caper (as Clint was calling it) Steve let it turn into a visit to the aquarium as a potential date option, and Tony whole-heartedly agreed. From there it naturally evolved into talking about the Central Park Zoo and how it had changed for the better since Steve was a kid, and then a brief conversation on the pros and cons of zoo captivity. In the flow of conversation, Tony almost managed to completely ignore the construction outside their window. The meal came, they ate, they talked. And Tony’s brain bounced back and forth between the happy chant of “boyfriend, boyfriend, I’ve got a boyfriend” and “maybe I should ask the Maria Stark Foundation to put a little more toward rebuilding central Manhattan.”

He was caught off-guard when Steve’s grip on his hand slipped up to his wrist, a gentle coaxing touch. “You’ve been distracted all lunch.”

“I have?” Tony asked, wincing guiltily. “I’m sorry. I guess I just…” He glanced outside again and Steve followed his gaze.

“Tony, I know everything that happened with Ultron… I’m not proud of what I did.”

“Neither am I. I still…”

“I wasn’t finished yet.” Steve raised an eyebrow and waited until Tony, cowed, nodded at him to continue. “We all made mistakes when it came to Ultron. I’m sorry for mine, and you’ve apologized for yours and I’m grateful. I think we’re stronger as a team now. I wish you’d stop beating yourself up over it. It hurts me to see you so hard on yourself.”

“I’m, I’m trying Steve. It’s hard when I look out there and see evidence of all my screw-ups right on the street. I’m trying to help, but it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. People were hurt. The city was destroyed. I keep thinking of how I’ve got to do better.”

“ _We’ve_ got to do better. And we will. From now on. I promise.” Steve folded Tony’s hand in both of his and gently kissed the knuckles, looking up at him again through his lashes. It made Tony feel simultaneously weak at the knees and strangely powerful, that Steve was willing to expose himself to Tony in such a way. “So please,” Steve added, his breath warm over Tony’s skin, “try and be kind to yourself.”

Tony nodded shyly, wondering where all his quippy bravado had gone off to. He didn’t miss it though, not with Steve looking at him like that. They lingered over their empty plates for another fifteen minutes before Tony’s alarm set his phone buzzing across the table.

“I’m sorry, Cap. I’ve got to head out,” he said, genuinely reluctant to be going. They stood, Tony leaving money for the bill on the table (“Tony, are you sure you the left the right amount for the tip?” “Cap, is my math ever wrong?” “But Tony that’s a hundred-dollar bill.” “Don’t worry about it, Cap.”), and walked out hand-in-hand.

“What’ve you got? Some sort of business meeting?”

“Uh, no. No, it’s…” Tony bit his tongue. He felt stupid being embarrassed about it. There was nothing wrong with being in therapy. It meant he was taking care of himself, damn it. “…just a doctor’s appointment,” he finished lamely. “Gotta check up on the old ticker.” He tapped the arc reactor for emphasis.

“Are you ok?” Steve asked, and Tony stared for a moment at the little wrinkle that formed in his brow when he frowned. Even out of sorts, Steve was beautiful.

“I’m fine, Steve. Just a regular check-up. It’s kind of necessarily when you’ve got a massive hole in your chest.”

“Do you need company?”

“No, don’t worry about it. Didn’t you have that meeting with Jan?”

“I could postpone.”

Tony sighed, tempted by the idea of moral support. But then he’d have to reveal that he’d lied about where he was going, and he didn’t want to do that either. He’d told himself he was going to try to be more honest with everyone on the team, especially with Steve. _Stellar start to that, Stark._ It was ok. He could work up to it later. For now, he just said, “That’s sweet, Steve, but really, it’s pretty boring. They just hook me up to a bunch of electrodes and make sure everything’s beating slower than ‘Back in Black.’ Check that I don’t have a murmur or anything.”

“Ok, if you’re sure. I’ll see you at the Tower later tonight?” Steve looked so hopeful that Tony couldn't help but stand on tip-toe to kiss his cheek.

“Wouldn’t miss it.”

Steve turned into Tony, catching his lips before he pulled away. The way he melted into it was all part-and-parcel with the honeymoon period, Tony knew, but damn he wanted to savor it. Wanted to savor the way Steve’s hands were warm where they cupped his elbows, the way Steve’s nose bumped his a little as they found a comfortable position. He even wanted to savor the way Steve’s neck was just slightly sweaty where Tony’s hand cupped it. He pulled away with reluctance, breathing into Steve’s mouth, still hovering too close. “See you later.”

“See you,” Steve whispered back, looking a little dazed. Tony kissed him one last time and then pulled away, putting on a pair of sunglasses and heading off down the street, a bounce in his step. He could feel Steve’s gaze on his back and couldn’t resist glancing over his shoulder as he walked, blowing Steve one last kiss before he turned away.

 

* * *

 

The construction was too slow. What a disaster. The Avengers. Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, but they’d failed again. They always failed, and at the expense of the civilian population. Justice was broken, crumbling. Criminals wandered the streets, tossed into jail only to break out again within a month. From his window, he looked away, biting at his lip. He’d seen that destruction firsthand, his little brother and a crumbling building. The Avengers, the police, the firefighters, all of it too little, too late. No more. He was going to fix this. He was going to make the world better. He turned his eyes on Avengers Tower, where the “A” glowered ominously red in the deepening afternoon. Yes. All he had to do was put his plans in motion. Soon enough, justice would reign. He would make the world right.


	2. The Power of Suggestion

“Avengers, to me. Thunderball’s about to destabilize a building and I need backup.”

Steve waited for confirmations over coms and then started working through the line of defense the other members of the Wrecking Crew were putting up. Normally they were small potatoes as far as the Avengers were concerned; it usually took only two or three of them to put New York’s favorite small-timers behind bars. But not this time. This time they’d teamed up with an unknown, someone who’d given them a small army of robots and upgraded weaponry. Steve winced as one of the bots shocked him, his calf muscle jumping at the site of electrocution. It wasn’t so bad to him, but he was betting Widow and Hawkeye would be feeling a little differently.

“What are they even after?” Clint groused, panting over the coms.

“I’m guessing the shipment of diamonds in the basement,” Tony said. He zoomed overhead, and the wake of his passing sent Steve a little off balance. He nearly tripped over the bot at his knee and had to turn his momentum into a spin kick, steel toe of his boot catching the camera.

“Watch it, Iron Man. Not everyone can keep up with you.”

“You asked for backup. Backup’s here.”

Steve felt his lips pursing as he watched Tony slam straight into Wrecker and carry him into the side of a building. He could hear the crunch, even twenty feet away.

“And stay down,” Tony quipped, standing over Wrecker, an electrified crowbar crumpling in the grip of his gauntlet. A pair of adamantium cuffs on Wrecker and then Tony was off again, zipping through a wave of bots like they were bowling pins and he was the fourteen-pounder. Steve grit his teeth and charged through the opening. He and Tony could talk property damage later, but first there was Thunderball to deal with.

Steve sent the shield spinning vertically, the edge hitting the chain of the heavy metal ball Thunderball was swinging into the foundational column of the bank. The vibranium couldn’t always cut metal, but Steve had been hoping. No such luck, though. The shield spun off at an angle, bounced against the brick, and came back high. Steve leapt to catch it and when he looked back, Wasp was buzzing around Thunderball, shooting stingers at his head. The next swing of the heavy ball went wide and came around before Steve could dodge. It took him right in the solar plexus, sending him across the street and into the pavement. Beneath him, a slab of sidewalk buckled and cracked down the middle, and for a moment, Steve was too winded to move. It was only once he managed to breathe again that he heard the other Avengers screaming at each other on the coms, all of them sounding frantic.

“I’ve got Thunderball, you get Steve,” Nat was yelling, but he couldn’t quite figure out who she was yelling at or who was disregarding her orders. He groaned and forced himself up onto his elbows, looking across the street with vision that doubled and solidified a few times before settling.

“I’ve got him,” Jan yelled and a moment later, Steve heard Thunderball shout and then there was a very loud thump.

“The cowards are retreating,” Thor said, “I shall pursue.”

“Not without Hulk you won’t.”

More thunderous booming, but it gradually grew softer as Hulk and Thor presumably chased the rest of the Wrecking Crew down the Lower East Side. Steve managed to work himself into a sitting position just as Tony touched down beside him, the faceplate flipping up the moment he did.

“Steve, don’t move. Let me scan for broken bones. Are you ok? Jesus, Steve, stop.”

Ignoring Tony, Steve managed to find his feet, arm wrapped around the side that had taken the brunt of the blow. “I’m fine. Check the building first. We should evacuate it, just in case they did manage to destabilize the foundation. My shield?”

“Here you go, Cap,” Clint said, sauntering up with the shield on his arm. “You’ve gotta learn to pick up after yourself.”

“Oh? You mean the way you pick up your socks and underwear in the Tower?”

Clint grimaced and glanced over to where Natasha, Sam, and Jan were watching over the Wrecker and Thunderball. “Low blow, Cap.” Still, he handed over the shield and Steve felt better for it, even though his ribs were aching like crazy. He surveyed the scene, noting each bit of damage to public and private property, the robotic wreckages strewn over the street like trash after New Year’s. Could’ve been better. Could’ve also been worse.

“Well,” Clint said after a moment, “let’s read the Wrecking Boobs the riot act and go home and order pizza like the triumphant heroes we are.”

“No pineapple,” Tony said automatically as he put a proprietary arm around Steve’s shoulders. Steve grudgingly felt a little touched, so much so that he didn’t try to shrug it away. They limped across the street to where Jan, Sam, and Nat were standing staring down at their two prisoners. Natasha’s eyes were sharp enough to cut glass, and Jan’s hands were glowing menacingly.

“Who do we have here?” Clint asked, toeing Wrecker’s arm. “Couple of has-beens?”

“You wish, Barton. Don’t pretend like you’re better than us.”

“Oh, but I am better than you. That’s why Tony gives me all the toys.”

“Well, we’ve got our own little Santa Claus now, and he likes the naughty kids.”

Steve felt Tony tense up beside him, even through the stiffness of the armor. “Yeah. That reminds me…” he murmured and left Steve to go pick up the ruined crowbar. “This looks…familiar somehow. I just can’t quite put my finger on it.”

“Yeah,” Wrecker growled, and something in the pit of Steve’s stomach plummeted. “You wanna see the party trick?”

There wasn’t time to say anything, to move. Steve could only watch as the pieces of the crowbar suddenly flickered to life, sending a shock through the suit. He knew he was shouting, but he wasn’t quite sure what it was he was saying. Maybe “Tony” or maybe “No.” Either way, Tony buckled and fell to his knees, blue sparks dancing over the shining red of his armor. There was a clank and more shouting but it all seemed far away as Steve watched Tony writhe, but then the Wrecker was vaulting over Steve, sprinting for the broken pieces of his weapon.

“Oh no you don’t,” Tony growled, and even though he was covered in bright electricity, he raised a gauntlet and fired. Wrecker went down hard, screaming, clutching his shin. “You broke it,” he moaned, looking up at Tony in disbelief. “You broke my leg!”

Steve still felt very distant as he watched Tony crush the crowbar pieces beneath his gauntlet, grinding and grinding until there was nothing but metal powder left. The electricity faded away and Tony stood slowly, his face an icy mask. “Yeah,” he said after a moment, and a shiver worked its way down Steve’s spine. “Yeah I did break your leg.”

“Tony,” Steve finally managed to gasp, his limbs unfreezing. “Tony, what did you do?”

He glanced over where the Wrecker was writhing and had to look away.

“Cap,” Clint said, “it was self-defense. Tony was protecting himself.”

“But he…he’s in cuffs. He wasn’t going anywhere.”

“Cap, Clint’s right,” Nat said, and Steve felt a sharp little sliver of betrayal work its way under his skin. “You of all people should know that cuffs don’t necessarily make a supervillain safe to handle and Tony was getting electrocuted. I think he made a good call.”

“Jan?” Steve appealed, turning to her. She stood next to Thunderball, staring down at him, her face hard. Steve watched as she gripped her elbows with her hands frowning harder and harder, as though the sheer force of her disapproval might teleport Thunderball straight off to supermax.

“He was hurting Tony,” she said finally, looking up at Steve with steel in her eyes. “And they hurt you, too. They were going to hurt you both more, and I think Tony made the right call.”

“Sam?”

Falcon looked as shocked as Steve felt, and he thought perhaps here he had an ally. Sam idolized Tony and his technical prowess, but he also had a strong moral compass and he did his best to be fair and loyal. He glanced over at Steve, eyes wide and shocked, and opened his mouth as though to say something, but after a moment, he shook his head and looked back over at Wrecker, like he couldn’t even find the words. Maybe he thought it wasn’t his place.

Steve looked between Hawkeye, Widow, and Wasp and then looked over to where Tony was standing, staring at the repulsors in his palms like he’d never seen them before. “Tony?”

“Huh?” Tony shook himself off and looked up at Cap, his face smoothing over into a battle mask. “Let’s, uh, let’s get them loaded up for the supervillain detention facility. We can, we should talk about this later.”

Steve’s ribs twinged as he twisted further and he sighed. There would be time to hash out details later. Tony was right in that they needed to get the supervillains loaded away so that city crews could start repair work. A wave of exhaustion washed over Steve, leaving him feeling cold and suffocated. “All right. Let’s load ‘em up. Team debrief in two hours.”

His teammates nodded and started getting their captives to their feet. Steve supervised, feeling the telltale itchy tingle of almost pain that meant he had broken ribs that were knitting themselves together. He forced himself to stand a little straighter, raised his shield and started walking toward Thunderball, trying not to show how his feet were dragging.

 

* * *

 

 

Later that evening, ribs mostly healed, Steve wandered the Tower, book in one hand and cup of coffee in the other. He liked this strange hour, when most of the Avengers were already asleep, but those who struggled with nightmares—all of them—hovered at the edges, squirreled away playing video games or quietly polishing weapons. It was when Steve felt closest to them all, when they were willing to bare themselves to him a little, looking up with worn smiles and reddened eyes before returning to their coping strategies.

He found Tony in the library, as he’d hoped, and he paused in the door frame, studying for a moment. Tony sat in his favorite armchair, tablet in hand. Normally his fingers would be dancing over the glass, but he was still, his eyes far away, hands frozen mid-flight. The troubled set of his mouth made something protective rear up in Steve, and he nearly turned back, not willing to put any more troubles on Tony’s shoulders. But he knew if he waited, he’d never speak about it at all.

“Hey,” he said softly, entering and stealing a kiss as he steeled his nerves. “Couldn’t sleep?”

“Yeah,” Tony murmured, giving Steve a soft smile before looking down at his tablet, which had gone dormant waiting for a response. With a sign, Tony set it off to the side. “Something about today was just…off.”

Steve pursed his lips and nodded. “I wanted to talk to you about that, actually.”

Tony’s expression grew wary and he sat up straighter. Even with tired bags under his eyes, he was suddenly on high alert, his eyes missing nothing of Steve’s expression.

“Your response to Wrecker today. Can we talk about it a little?”

For a moment, Tony’s eyes widened and then he looked away, fingers rising to tug anxiously at his goatee. “What about it?”

“Normally, even when you’re hurting in battle, you never miss repulsor calibration. You never use anything beyond what you’ve calculated as knock-out force. But today, you broke a man’s leg.”

“A wanted felon’s leg.”

Steve paused a moment, surprised at the vitriol in Tony’s voice. “Yes, but still a man. What happened? Did the gauntlet have a bug? Were you still set for Thunderball’s strength levels?”

Tony’s nervous fidgeting with his goatee grew even more pronounced, his eyes darting rapidly back and forth as he thought. Then he looked up, face set in resolve. “There wasn’t an error. I used the amount of force I thought was necessary.”

“If you’d aimed a little higher, you might have killed him, Tony. Cracked a rib into his lungs or heart or split his skull open.”

“And he might’ve killed you,” Tony spat back, his voice so suddenly adamant that Steve didn’t know what to say. Poised in the chair, hands on either armrest and body leaning precariously forward, Tony panted for a moment before hanging his head. “He might’ve killed you,” he whispered, leaning back into the seat.

Steve swallowed and looked down at the book in his lap. _The Once and Future King_. Again. “I guess … we haven’t really talked about this yet. How our relationship is going to affect how we work on the field.”

“Yeah,” Tony sighed, slumping back into the chair and putting his hand to his head. He massaged his temples slowly and Steve almost regretted starting the conversation in the first place.

“Tony,” Steve said slowly, trying to pick his words as carefully as he knew how, “you realize we’re still in a line of dangerous work. The field’s always going to be the field. You and I, we can’t just break off when the other’s hurt.”

Tony sighed and dropped his hand, looking at Steve with a wounded expression. “I know that, Steve. I do. I just … In the heat of the moment, I felt justified. You were hurt, he was coming at me, and how many times have they even broken out of jail now? Is this the sixth time? And we didn’t get them all, so they’re just going to be back again next week. It … sometimes it makes me so tired. The fact that they’re always coming back.”

“I understand losing your cool in the heat of the moment. I know I did when Zemo was manipulating me with images of Bucky. I’m not blaming you for that, Tony. I just hope, moving forward, that we can … I don’t know. Set aside or romantic relationship on the battlefield. We need to be cool-headed out there, and all I’m asking is that next time, you think before you act.”

Tony smiled tiredly at him and then looked away again, toying at the edges of his tablet with his fingers, tracing the edges of the molded plastic over and over again. “I’ll try, Steve.”

“Thank you. I know when you try, you give it your all, and I appreciate that.”

There was something complicated and pained about Tony’s expression when he glanced up at Steve, but then he looked away and Steve was left feeling like he’d missed something. “Hey,” he said after a moment, “come here.”

He set his book and coffee aside and extended a hand, waiting with an open and earnest expression until Tony slowly stood and came to him, every line of his body hanging a little with defeat. Still, he took Steve’s hand and Steve pulled until Tony had no choice but to crawl onto Steve’s lap, his tablet bumping Steve’s shoulder.

“I feel,” Steve said slowly, “so lucky that you chose me. That you want to be with me.”

Tony’s smile was slow to bloom, but when it did, it made his eyes crinkle at the corners and his entire body seemed lighter somehow. Steve brushed his bangs away from his forehead, cradling his cheek as he urged him down for a kiss. “Think you can sleep now?” he asked lowly.

“Dunno. See, there’s this guy, seems real old-fashioned, but I know under that mama’s boy exterior he’s a sneaky bastard, and I hear he’s waiting in my room for me.”

“Is he now?” Steve murmured and kissed him again. “Well, I’ll just have to take you back to my room instead. Make sure you get those eight hours I know you’re needing.”

“Mmm, you’ll have to make it worth my while.”

“Oh, I think I can come up with something.”

Steve dragged Tony back to his room and they spent a good half-hour making out until Tony was so tired he could barely keep his eyes open. He tried to leave for his own bed, but Steve just held him closer, nosing at his neck and urging him to stay. Once Tony was asleep, though, Steve couldn’t find rest as easily himself. He wound up staring at the ceiling, replaying the conversation from the library. There was something bothering him about what Tony had said, something he just couldn’t quite put his finger on. He ran through Tony’s words again and again, searching for a clue, but they slipped away from him, in spite of his eidetic memory, and instead he found himself focusing on Tony’s breathing, tracing the streamlined muscles of Tony’s arms. It could wait until morning.


	3. Lines to be Crossed

Over the next several days, things seemed to return to business as usual. In the wake of the Wrecking Crew, there were collateral damage reports and press conferences to deal with, but the team felt in sync to Steve, the way it was meant to be. He and Tony even managed to get in another date. Steve had been surprised when Tony suggested paintballing as a date idea, and even more surprised when they both genuinely enjoyed it. Walking out of the playing field laughing and covered in paint, stealing breathless kisses, Steve thought that the whole terrifying incident with the Wrecking Crew must’ve been a fluke. He should’ve known his luck was bound to change.

“We’ve got the U-Foes in Central Park. I repeat. The U-Foes are in Central Park. Request immediate Avengers back-up.”

In equipment storage, Steve, Tony, and the rest hustled into uniform while Hawkeye’s alert blared over JARVIS’ loudspeaker again and again. Clint had been alone with the U-Foes for three minutes and Bruce, or rather Hulk, was already out and running. The fact that neither of them had reported back in again was setting Steve’s teeth on edge. Tony, too, seemed jittery. He’d come at a run from something else, some appointment, and his mind was clearly still half-caught in whatever he’d been up to, a fact that worried Steve immensely. They needed their heads in the game for the U-Foes. In spite of being classified “minor” in JARVIS’ supervillain data base, Steve had read their stats and knew they could do serious damage.

“Avengers, Assemble!” Steve cried, and together they tore out of the Tower, Steve on his motorcycle, Nat on a Sky-cycle, and Jan, Thor, Sam, and Tony flying at top speed. Even from blocks away, Steve could see a worrisome glow in the direction of Central Park. Afforded the luxury of a straight shot, the flyers outstripped him and got there first.

“Woah!” Jan cried over the coms, and Steve’s stomach dropped. He trusted his team to be without him, but it didn’t make him worry any less.

“Wasp, report!”

It wasn’t Jan who answered though. Tony came in. “Hawkeye’s down. I think Vapor got to him. Scanning now. Vector and X-ray are … trying to steal a statue? I don’t know. Vector’s trying to float it up and X-ray’s working on the base. Ironclad’s playing guard duty and Vapor’s … vapor.”

“Thor, Wasp, Falcon, gas masks. You too, Widow,” Steve ordered as he fumbled through his belt pouches for his own mask, all while trying not to crash his chopper. In the distance, he could hear the beginning of the battle. A throaty roar filled the air, and Steve knew Hulk must be doing something impressive.

“Yow,” Tony said over coms. “Bet that’s gonna leave a mark. Ironclad and Hulk are at it. They just went down in the pond. I’m going to try and take out Vector.”

“Be careful, Iron Man. We don’t know what it is they’re after yet. Wasp, back up Iron Man. Thor and Falcon, I want you working on X-ray. Widow, any ideas for containing Vapor?”

“A few,” Nat reported. “Leave her to me.”

“ETA three minutes,” Steve told them, “do me proud Avengers.”

Steve listened to the sounds of battle over the coms, trying not to worry too much.

Overhead, Thor and X-ray traded blows in the air, with occasional repulsor blasts shooting past them. Sam hovered at the fringes, raining down wingblades across the field. From the way the blades and repulsor blasts were interacting, Steve thought Tony was probably multi-tasking, darting in to attack Vector before flying away to distract Ironclad and X-ray with pot-shots. It wasn’t as simple as all that, though. Vector’s energy blasts were powerful, and what’s more, they were fast. Jan was just as fast, but her stings didn’t pack the wallop Tony could put behind a repulsor at full blast. If she could only get close enough to punch him, that would help immensely, but as it was, Tony could barely manage to dodge in time and he could hear Hulk behind him yelling, and JARVIS was pinging radiation and heat warnings at him left and right.

On the next swerve around, Tony saw Hulk reel back, the whole of his left forearm badly burned. He screamed like a wild animal and when next he opened his eyes, Tony felt a shock of unexpected fear. What he saw in Hulk’s eyes was not a trusted if gruff teammate; he saw unbridled rage, the like of which Hulk hadn’t shown them in years.

“Woah, Big Guy. You ok there? I can—“

“HULK SMASH!”

“Ok then, that’s a no. I’ll just—“

Tony had to swerve abruptly when Hulk swung wildly at him the same way Thor might swing at a pesky mosquito. This was getting out of hand faster than they’d expected. JARVIS was flashing figures and research at him from the last time they’d fought the U-foes and none of it was comforting. Vector’s power was off the charts and X-ray’s control of radioactive energy was equally worrying. And Vapor … What if she snuck through the gas masks systems or Tony’s own rebreather? The park wasn’t even evacuated yet; Tony could see cowering civilians only seventy-five feet away, their heat signatures bright on his infrared reader. Something had to be done.

“Everyone fall back. I’ve got an idea.”

“Care to share with the class, Tony?” Nat asked from where she was setting up some sort of high-tech vacuum system to subdue Vapor.

“No time. Just do as I say.”

Nat glanced around the field, but saw that Steve wasn’t on site yet. She made the snap decision: “All right everyone, clear off.”

The Avengers obediently fell back, Sam carrying Clint, Hulk … well. Hulk had chased Ironclad into the pond where they were sending up waves of water. Tony watched, letting his targeting system feed him information on attack and defense patterns, timing carefully. Just as Hulk tossed Ironclad back ten feet, Tony released a tiny dart, one he’d been saving in case of emergency. Hulk roared, shuddered, and abruptly started shrinking; in only a few seconds, Bruce Banner stood hip-deep in water, blinking and squinting around, hands clutching helplessly at his giant pants.

“Thor, get Bruce out of there.”

“What did you … Tony, what did you do?”

“No time for chit-chat,” Tony told Natasha as he started flicking through displays and typing at the firing mechanisms on his right gauntlet. Ironclad stood up and looked around, bewildered when he couldn’t find his giant green opponent. Thor had Bruce cleared out in a matter of seconds and Tony was ready. The Avengers were clear. It was time.

He aimed at Ironclad, the hardest U-Foe to move, and fired. Above the pond, a hole tore open in the air, its edges limned in electric blue. Through it, Tony could see the deadly vacuum of space, and for a moment, his heart shuddered. Was he doing the right thing? But then he remembered Hulk’s mindless range, Clint’s limp body, and he went to work.

Ironclad, the closest to the portal, was sucked in almost instantly. He screamed as he went, but Tony didn’t have time for that. Vapor, hovering over them all, was almost helpless against the pull of space. Her lack of mass did her in and Tony watched as green clouds of her were torn apart and siphoned away like so much steam. X-ray was fast and smart, but Tony didn’t need to overpower him, only herd him with carefully aimed repulsor blasts, a barrage so concentrated and targeted that X-ray had no choice but to fly right into the portal’s pull. One carefully aimed shoulder missile was all Tony needed to send X-ray hurtling back beyond the point of no return, and he disappeared past the portal’s edge. Just Vector left then.

“I see what you’re doing, Stark. You won’t get me so easily.” Tony watched as Vector’s feet sunk into the ground, anchoring him where he stood.

“Won’t I?” Tony asked, activating his wrist-mounted laser. He cut into the ground beneath Vector’s feet, watching with satisfaction as Vector’s balance faltered and then broke entirely. He stumbled back and Tony barreled forward, shouldering him in the solar plexus and sending him flying beyond the event horizon.

“What are you doing?” Vector screamed, hands scrabbling desperately for purchase and finding none. “You guys are the Avengers! You’re not supposed to—“

The last of his words were lost to the cold vacuum of space. Tony dialed at his wrists again, a grim sense of satisfaction filling him. A simple neutron pulse neutralized the portal, making it as though it’d never been there to begin with. Tony touched down slowly, staring at where the pond had been—all of its water had gone with the U-foes and Tony was already calculating how much it would cost to refill it. From behind him there was a shout and he turned, almost as if in a daze.

“Tony!” From the way Steve’s voice carried, Tony had a suspicion he’d been yelling for a while, Tony completely ignoring him. He wasn’t quite prepared when Steve barreled into him, hands catching his shoulders and shaking. “What did you do? Where did you send them? And what did you do to Bruce?”

“I sent them where they can’t hurt anyone ever again.”

“And where exactly is that?” Steve’s teeth were bared, his voice on the verge of outrage, his fingers digging into the shoulders of the armor hard enough that Tony could feel the pressure of them against his undersuit.

“I sent them into space. Outer space.”

Steve’s eyes widened, his entire face freezing into an expression that would’ve almost been comedic had it not been so horrified at the same time. “Do you mean to tell me you killed them?”

“Possibly. I don’t know if they can survive without oxygen the way Hulk can. It seems unlikely. But there’s still the radiation to think about. And the cold. I doubt they’ll survive long.”

Complete and utter disbelief. That was all Steve could feel. Tony had just sent four people off to their deaths, but he spoke about it cavalierly, the same way he might discuss the stock market or the weather.

“And Bruce?”

“Experimental anti-gamma dart. Got the idea from X-ray actually. Wasn’t sure if it would work, but desperate times.”

“You … you didn’t know if it would work and you fired it anyway?”

“I was pretty sure it would work.”

“Tony, you, you …” Steve could feel his ears heating up, his chest heaving. His fingers shook where they clutched Tony’s shoulders and under his mask, his face was sweating. Unthinking, he turned and hurled a punch into a tree, watching as the trunk cracked and splintered. Under the boiling current of rage in his stomach, he immediately felt regret. The tree had done nothing to deserve his ire, but he needed to do _something_ and punching Tony wouldn’t solve anything.

“So let me just spell this out,” he said slowly, knuckles grinding away against the bark. “You entered the situation, disregarded my orders, incapacitated a teammate with untested technology, opened a dangerous portal in the middle of Central Park, and most likely killed four people.”

“Well, when you put it that way …” Tony still had the faceplate down, but even through the vocal modulator of the suit, Steve could hear a waver in his voice. After a moment, his shoulders stiffened. “It was the right call, Cap. Hulk had lost it, Vapor had hurt Clint, X-ray was getting the best of Thor—”

“He was not, Anthony, and I do not understand why you interfered.”

“—and besides, the U-foes are a highly dangerous team. X-ray and Vector can incapacitate the Hulk, or had you forgotten? Their very presence is a radiation hazard to baseline humans.”

“So contain them. Capture them. Knock them out. Don’t kill them!”

“I did what I had to do!”

“And what you did was cross a line!” Steve’s shout echoed in the empty space around them, and beneath his fist, the tree further cracked. “We’re the Avengers, Tony, and what you did today? That’s not what Avengers do.”

“Steve …” Again, even through the vocal modulator, Tony suddenly sounded lost. “I … I thought you’d understand.”

“Well you thought wrong.” With one final grind of his fist to bark, Steve stepped back and squared his shoulders, looking over the suit from head to toe. “You’re suspended, Tony. Pending performance review and discussion of today. I expect you to lock down your armors and act in support capacity only.”

“Steve—”

“End. Of. Discussion.”

Steve turned on his heel and stalked back to his motorcycle, his fingers itching to take action, to do something, anything. He hadn’t felt so helpless in years. He could sense the others behind him, silent and subdued. He glanced back to see Thor cradling Bruce, Natasha with Clint slung over her Sky-cycle, Sam and Jan sending worried looks toward Steve and Tony before flying away. Only Tony remained in the center of the park, unmoving, face mask down. The eyes of the armor glowed in the oncoming twilight, twin flecks of fire blue in the darkness. Steve looked at that cold mask and felt he didn’t know it at all.


	4. State of Mind

“It’s for the best,” Tony muttered to himself, pacing the hallways of the tower. “I was in the right. I made the right call.” Frustrated, he ground the heels of his hands into his eyes, feeling how dry they were with sleeplessness. Steve hadn’t spoken to him in three days and outside of a few appointments, Tony hadn’t had much to distract himself from replaying the battle over and over again, both in his own head and in the lab. In the heat of the moment it had felt so right, so good, to send the U-foes off to space. The moment Steve had raised his voice though, the moment he’d hit that tree, something in Tony had shriveled up inside, leaving him nauseous and aching. If he could just talk to Steve, he thought he might be able to turn his head around, straighten this all out and go back to the way it was supposed to be.

That’s why he’d taken to wandering the halls after midnight. Sooner or later, running into Steve seemed like it would be inevitable. Wasn’t that when they had some of their best conversations?

But so far, his plan had failed. Steve remained elusive, and Tony’s body only seemed to twist itself into tighter knots as a result. Resigned, Tony glanced at his watch. After 2:00. Well, sleep didn’t feel like a possibility either, so he slowly made his way to the lab, pulling up a new project, Code Name: PARMA. Preventative Armament Repulsor Macro Array.

He was still working on it when someone knocked at the door and cleared their throat. Blinking until the dust and grit in his eyes cleared, Tony turned and looked to the lab entrance. There Steve stood, looking sheepish, head downcast and hands behind his back in a parade rest.

“Can I come in? Or if you’re busy I can come back later.”

Tony didn’t much feel like smiling, but somehow, a wide grin appeared on his face; his cheeks felt tight and stiff, like they were unused to the motion. “Come on in, Steve.”

Something in his expression must’ve put him at ease, because Steve’s shoulders dropped a little and his head raised, hope kindling in his eyes. “I, uh, I wanted to apologize. I shouldn’t’ve shut you out like that. I should’ve come and talked to you about what happened the other day. Not talking with each other is always what puts us in the worst situations. I know that, and I still pulled away. It was silly, and I’m sorry.” From behind his back, he pulled out a bouquet of flowers. “Will you forgive me for taking so long to come speak with you?”

Tony glanced down at the flowers and felt his heart twist uncomfortably in his chest. “This is for … So you think the other day I …?”

“To be clear, no. I think you made a bad call. But I’m sorry for the way I reacted. It wasn’t very professional of me. It also wasn’t very good boyfriend behavior.” Steve shuffled nervously and then looked down again. “Maybe I shouldn’t have brought the flowers. I thought it was kind of silly, but …”

For some reason, Tony’s face was still smiling, even though in the pit of his stomach everything was twisting and roiling like an angry sea. He took the flowers. He hadn’t meant to take the flowers. What was—

“I appreciate the sentiment, Cap.” No. He’d meant to say something else. Something better.

Steve was watching him with puzzlement and the beginnings of something like hurt. “Tony?”

“But it’s clear to me now. We’re just too different. It’s not going to work.” And then the flowers were tumbling from his hand into the waste basket. No, he hadn’t meant to do that. He had meant to accept Steve’s apology. To talk it over with him. To make him see how Tony was right and Steve was wrong. Why wasn’t he doing that? A buzzing began to fill his mind—agony that made his teeth ache and his eyes want to squeeze shut, but somehow, he was still smiling. Smiling at Steve, who looked like he’d been sucker-punched.

“I … I see. I, just to be clear, you’re, you’re breaking up with me?”

“Nothing personal, Steve. Just a difference of opinion that I don’t think we’ll be overcoming.”

“But you didn’t, we didn’t—” Tony cut his hand sharply between them before Steve could say any more. His body was doing things he hadn’t asked of it, things that shouldn’t be possible given how stressed he felt. He should be shaking, heaving, sweating, but his skin was cool, his breath placid. All of it hurt in a way That put panic deep in Tony’s heart, but even that remained unchanged, his resting heartrate no higher than if he’d been sleeping. In the back of his head there was a whisper, an urging that he just … relax. And it was so tempting, so sweet and so kind and—no! But his refusal only made the buzz of panic worse, more agonizing. Could Steve see it? _Dear god, please don’t let him see it,_ Tony thought. He’d already put him in such a terrible position, dumping him like this and— _NO! I … I love Steve. I’m not supposed to be—_ gut-wrenching. Tony was so sure he’d be sick, yet he was still upright, the grin still easy on his face.

“No hard feelings, Cap,” he said, patting Steve on the shoulder the same way he might absently pet a dog. And then he left the lab, left Steve standing there, walked away, and somewhere deep in his own head, he started screaming.

 

* * *

 

 

Steve stood numbly in the lab, staring down at the bouquet in the wastebasket. A ridiculous part of him was fretting over the bouquet going to waste. Fifty dollars down the drain. With numb hands, he plucked it out, staring down at the blossoms. Purple hyacinths, daisies, forget-me-nots, and tulips. Not so traditional as red roses, but Steve had, perhaps naively, hoped Tony might ask him what the flowers meant, might feel moved that Steve had tried to express himself. Stupid.

He dragged himself away from the lab, back into the elevator, up into the common room. Tony was in the kitchen, laughing at something Clint had said like nothing at all had happened, like he hadn’t just crushed Steve’s heart under his heel. Feeling sick to his stomach, Steve turned away, plodding down the hallway towards his own quarters.

“Steve?”

He glanced up and found himself face-to-face with Jan. She peered at him with genuine concern in her eyes.

“Did you know you were crying?”

Was he? He reached up and touched his cheek and sure enough his fingers came away damp. He hadn’t realized. Everything in him felt distant, like he was sensing it through a layer of ice. He shuddered at the thought and tried to hide his face, twisting away from Jan.

“Sorry. I hadn’t …” His voice was tight, and it cracked against his volition.

“Steve, what happened.”

He bit back a sob and walked around her, trotting faster in an effort to get to his quarters where he could cry in peace. Jan simply followed though, not speaking, but not leaving him be, either. Fumbling at the door to his own space, he was embarrassed when Jan opened it for him, her fingers smooth and graceful where his were huge and shaking and clumsy.

“Come on, Steve. Let’s get you something warm to drink.”

Her small hands on his back, guiding him into the main living space, settling him on a sofa. A moment later a blanket thrown around his shoulders, pulled tight at his throat. Jan extracted the flowers from where they were being crushed in his grip and set them on the table before disappearing into the kitchenette.

Left in peace, Steve allowed himself the sobs he’d been choking back; pressing his face into his hands, he cried. He barely registered when Jan returned and put her arms around him, holding him tight. Small though she was, she was strong, her arms around him comfortingly real. He hiccupped and sniffled and then looked up at her.

“Here,” she said, turning to hand him a warm mug. “I got you some tea. Nice soothing chamomile. Bruce says it works wonders.”

Steve accepted the mug, wiping ineffectually at his nose with the back of his wrist. Without a word, Jan produced an honest-to-god handkerchief and dabbed at him with it, wiping the worst of his mess away.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

With a grimace, Steve sipped at the tea, surprised to learn that he felt both thirsty and unwell. “Tony … Tony dumped me.”

“He did what?” Steve was surprised by the vehemence behind Jan’s voice. He’d thought, what with the way they’d been distant these last few days, that maybe it had been obvious to everyone but him what Tony was planning to do. “Why would he do that? What did he say?”

“He said our ways of seeing the world were just too different. Too incompatible.”

Jan’s jaw dropped and for a moment, she said nothing at all; then her hands balled up into fists and she stood, every inch of her practically electric.

“That idiot! If this is one of his ridiculous sacrifice plays, I’m gonna—”

“No, Jan. You didn’t see. He really, please, just don’t …” Steve sighed and ran a hand over his face. His skin felt too tight, like it wasn’t made for him. “Please respect his choice. This is between us, and if Tony doesn’t want to continue a relationship, that’s…that’s his right.”

“But Steve, you don’t understand. Tony, he wouldn’t just, just toss you aside like garbage.” Jan looked genuinely distraught, and for a moment, Steve wondered if there was substance to what she was saying. But then he remembered the way Tony had smiled at him, like this was no big deal. Like Steve was the one who was in too deep, and Tony had never meant to lead him along.

“Just, please promise me you’ll leave it? I’m … I’m gonna head to my place in Brooklyn for a while. I need a little space. And time to process.”

“Steve—”

“Please, Jan. Please.”

She pouted at him, hands on her hips, and then deflated a little, sighing. “All right. But only because you’re asking, Steve. And I’m still going to give him the stink-eye every chance I get. Honestly, springing that on you like this. Were those flowers for him?”

“Yeah. You can have them if you want. I won’t be here to water them.”

“Sure you don’t want to put them in the garbage disposal? Get a little catharsis?”

Steve chuckled wetly and wiped at his nose again. “No. You can, though. If you want. I’m just gonna …” He pointed listlessly at his room and then stood. Before he got two steps though, Jan had wrapped him in another hug, squeezing him so tightly he could almost feel it through the shocked numbness.

“If you need anything, anything at all, Steve, please call me.”

He felt another sob threatening to choke him, so he just nodded and ran for his bedroom, where he could pack and wallow in misery in peace.


	5. Deep Focus

Tony hadn’t felt so driven and in the zone since he’d first become Iron Man. It was like there was a tiny voice in his head driving him forward. _All the good you could do. How much safer the world would be. You can protect them._ Before him, PARMA took shape, a beautiful hexagonal grid of satellites worldwide, ready to rain repulsor fire down on the first sign of terrorism, of war, of any sort of violence. It was so simple. He wasn’t sure why he’d—

A headache split his mind, burning and burning at his temples. He blinked hard as his eyes began to water and his molars ached. Something was wrong. So very very wrong. If he could just—

Thought of it sooner. Eliminate villains forever, eliminate crime, eliminate fear. And after that he could start working on disease, famine, income inequality. A few subtle tweaks in the government, a push for world unification. Languages, those would have to go. They were a mark of differentiation, a way for people to divide themselves into factions. No. Education, that too would need tweaking. Once he had control of some of the major institutions, he could start doing away with currency. Nobody would need to be rich if he was providing for them.

“Tony?”

He blinked, his eyes burning and his temples throbbing.

“Kind of busy.”

A hand waved in front of his nose, breaking his concentration, and he was forced to look away from his plans, his specs, and glare at whoever had interrupted him. Jan glared at him, hands on hips.

“I know, Tony,” she said, her mouth and eyes sharp as razors, “that you are _very important_ , but could you just remove your head from your butt for three seconds and come to the Avengers meeting? Like you’re supposed to? We’re supposed to be figuring out how the Wrecking Crew got those robots, remember?”

“Low on the priorities list, Jan. Now if you’ll excuse me—“

“No, I will not excuse you.” Jan slapped a palm to his holo display and wiped it blank. “What could possibly be more important than the team?”

“The world.” He answered simply. “Now please get out of my lab.”

“Or what? You’ll make me?”

_She could be useful. Don’t start a physical fight. Just … a nudge._

“Jan, I understand you think your scientific input is worthwhile, but you’re still miles behind Bruce and I. Why don’t you go back upstairs while the real scientists get the work done.”

Her palm was a stinging heat across his cheek, and for a brief moment, his mind was clear. _What have I done?_ Then it was gone again.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with you, Tony Stark, but whatever it is, I don’t like it. I hope you’re happy down here, all alone, not a friend in the world. You can join the meeting when you’ve grown up a little.”

She stomped back to the elevator and Tony watched her go before turning back to the display. “J, bring up PARMA. You autosaved, didn’t you.”

“Sir, perhaps I might suggest—“

“Mute,” he snapped and waited impatiently for the project files to reappear. They did after a moment, the text turned an eye-smarting acid green. Even muted, JARVIS knew how to make his opinion heard. Tony didn’t understand why they were all angry with him. He was only trying to make the world a better place.

 

* * *

 

 

Slouched in a sofa, his turntable crackling beside him, Steve stared out at the darkening skyline. As the lights twinkled on like a scattering of stars, he thought back on the last several days. Even away from the Tower, he still had to report in every day for Avengers’ business. Tony had skipped the last four team meetings and Steve was at a loss. He’d banned Iron Man from the field, but he still expected support capacity. Was their personal relationship, or rather their breakup, affecting the team? Steve had messaged Tony several times to no avail, and at Avengers’ roundtables, there was an uneasy atmosphere in the room as person after person glanced to Tony’s empty seat. They all knew something was wrong.

Jan had cornered him a few times, on his way in and out of the Tower, reporting to him how Tony was holed up in the lab, working on something that Jan only described as “big and stupid.”

“Is he … is he upset? He was the one who broke it off, but maybe—”

“No. He’s … he’s the opposite! He’s being a jerk! Something’s wrong, Steve, but I just don’t know what.”

Sighing into his steepled fingers, Steve took a moment to pinch the bridge of his nose. He’d wanted to get away from the Tower to get his mind off of Tony and their less than stellar parting, but even in his own apartment, Tony was all he could think about. “Pathetic,” he murmured to himself, rising and opening the refrigerator, staring blankly at the contents before closing the door again. Maybe he could go for a run. Maybe that would ease his mind.

Instead he turned to his Avengers communicator and considered it. After a moment he spoke. “JARVIS?”

The card lit up in response. “Good evening, Captain Rogers. How may I be of assistance?”

“Has Tony seemed … off to you?”

JARVIS hesitated for a long moment. “Eons in computer terms,” Tony had once told him. Finally, he said, “Sir is operating in a manner he might call ‘optimal.’”

“But …”

“My previous data leads me to believe that Sir is … not himself.”

“Not himself in what way, JARVIS?”

“Sir’s behavior leads me to believe that _override alpha tango hotel one nine one nine full stop.”_ JARVIS’ voice suddenly became strangely robotic and then crackled entirely into static and the occasional beep.

“What the … JARVIS? JARVIS!” Steve called out but to no avail. The AI had disappeared entirely, and in his place, Steve was left with confusion and terror. JARVIS was almost impervious to hacking. Ultron? Or worse, something had happened to the Tower itself. Panicked, Steve dug into his pocket for his cell phone and dialed Jan.

“Hello?”

“Jan, are you okay?”

“Of course, Steve. Why? Has something happened?”

“Where are you? The Tower?”

“Yeah. Steve, you’re scaring me.”

That seemed only fitting, because Steve himself was scared witless. Something terrible was happening, but he had no idea what. He had a suspicion, though that it all had something to do with Tony.

“Jan, I need you to come to my place. And I need you to bring a couple of people.”

Once Steve had given his orders, there was nothing left to do but wait. He paced his apartment, running his hands through his hair until it was nothing more than a nervous tangle. Desperate for something to do, he ordered a few pizzas for his guests and ran down to the bodega to get drinks. His body felt like one raw electric nerve, buzzing with the need to act.

At last the doorbell rang and Steve ran for the door, pulling it open so hard that the knob ripped loose in his hand. He stared down at it and then ran his hands through his hair again, frustrated and panicked.

“Woah, big guy,” Rhodes said, holding up both hands. “You okay there?”

“I’ve, I’ve been better, Col. Rhodes.”

“Please, I’m off duty and you’re Tony’s beau. Call me Jim.”

Behind Rhodes, Jan grimaced and said, “Actually …”

Rhodes glanced between them and then sighed and ran a hand over his face. “I’m missing something, aren’t I?”

Steve sighed in turn and bowed his head. “Come on in. We can … we can talk about it.”

With another dubious look, Rhodes slipped into Steve’s apartment, followed by Jan, Sam, and Pepper Potts. Steve got them all settled in his little living room and gave them all drinks before sitting himself, fidgeting nervously in his seat.

“Thank you all for coming on such short notice. I know you’re all busy, but I think … actually, I wonder, Sam, Ms. Potts, if you think there might be any spiders hanging around the apartment?” He looked significantly at them all, pointing to his ears and then to likely microphone locations.

“Steve, it’s Pepper. You should know that by now. I’m not sure. Sam?”

“I don’t see any spiders,” Sam said slowly, looking suddenly uneasy. He gave them all a significant look before continuing, “But I don’t think, I mean, you keep this place spotless, Steve. Besides, I don’t think they’ll bother us since it’s just pizza and drinks.” As he spoke, Sam slowly pulled his Avenger card from his pocket and set it on Steve’s coffee table, staring down at it like it might burst into flames at any moment. He pantomimed at Steve, holding up three fingers and then went to his backpack, where he dug out a laptop and a pair of portable speakers. While he worked, Jan and Steve pulled their cards out as well, setting them on the table next to Sam’s.

“So how do you guys feel about poker?” Steve said, grimacing at how stiff and formal he sounded. All this cloak-and-dagger nonsense wasn’t really his style. He didn’t like hiding things from his team, but in this case, he was fairly certain it was necessary.

“I’m not very good,” Pepper said, picking up the play, “but I’m game. We can play with potato chips.”

While they all did their best to keep up the pretense, Sam finished rigging up whatever it was he was working on and held out a hand to silence everyone. He hit a button on his laptop and suddenly the air was filled with their voices, chatting and laughing. “Let me just get a pack of cards,” the fake Steve announced, and on Sam’s computer, the others all devolved into small talk. A moment later, Steve jumped when there was a knock at the door. He’d almost forgotten about the pizza. He paid the delivery girl and then herded everyone into his bedroom while Sam’s program went on imitating them.

Steve double-checked with Sam for the all clear before collapsing in on himself, hiding his eyes for a moment.

“Steve,” Pepper said, “what on earth is going on?”

Jan, wonderful Jan, answered for him. “We think something’s weird with Tony. More weird than usual. Something’s wrong.”

Pepper and Jim frowned at them, but neither of them said anything to contradict the statement. If anything, Pepper in particular looked more troubled. “He … I was afraid to say anything to him, but he opened a military contract. A military weapons contract. Just yesterday. I thought maybe he was going to negotiate it into something else, but …”

“He blew me off for our weekly Friday night get-together,” Rhodes said. “He said he had a date with you, Steve.”

It had been a week, but it still felt like getting jabbed in the heart every time he thought about how Tony had treated him. “He broke up with me.”

“He did what?” Pepper hissed, her face genuinely shocked. “He would never … Steve, oh my god, Steve.”

“He said something horrible to me the other day,” Jan added, putting a hand on Steve’s shoulder and squeezing with all of her shocking strength. “Something Tony would never say.”

“And the missions,” Sam said slowly, looking around their circle. “He … I knew Tony would never do what he did to the U-foes. That was just, it was just cruel. It’s not what the Avengers do.”

Somehow, it didn’t make Steve feel any better to know that he wasn’t the only one who had been mistreated, and he grit his teeth to keep it together. Something was wrong, and now they had to figure out what. He opened a box of pizza and made everyone take a slice before gathering himself and sitting up straight, taking command.

“Ok, Avengers. We know something’s wrong. Let’s put the pieces together and figure out what.”


	6. You will Wake In—

“All right. Options first.”

“Skrull,” Sam said.

“Alternate universe self.”

“Mind control.”

“Coercion.”

“Evil spell.”

Steve noted each option down on a notebook, adding columns for potential clues. He stared down at the possibilities feeling sick to his stomach. With all the things they faced, it was a wonder the Avengers hadn’t already gone mad with the craziness that came at them on an almost daily basis.

“Ok. Now our clues. Skrull is unlikely; Tony installed Skrull detectors at all the Tower entrances after the last invasion.”

“But not impossible,” Sam pointed out, frowning down at Steve’s neat Spencerian script. “If it was a Skrull working with Tony’s knowledge, it would know how to bypass the detectors.” He traced his fingers over the other options on the paper laid between them all. “But I do think it’s something else. A Skrull would’ve been trying its best to blend in, and Tony’s been pretty obvious in his bad calls.”

“I agree,” Jim said, his fingers thoughtfully stroking at his chin. “I think alternate universe is unlikely, too. The military’s always got scans going for portal activity, and the only thing that’s registered in the past couple of weeks is that portal Tony made.”

“Cap,” Sam said slowly, glancing up. “I know this is tough, but you two …” Sam winced, clearly trying to find the right words, and Steve felt a mortified blush creep up his cheeks. Bad enough he hadn’t realized while they were dating, but to have to discuss it with all his teammates. Finally, Sam seemed to settle on something and said, “You were spending a lot of time together. What are your thoughts on all this?” Diplomatic, if nothing else.

Steve swallowed heavily and had to look away from them all for a moment. It was painful and embarrassing to contemplate this, to think of how easily someone had fooled him into believing the worst of Tony …

 _Get it together Rogers_ , he told himself, pressing the heel of one hand to his forehead and squeezing his eyes shut. _Like a strategist_. He called up the mindset he brought to the field when the Avengers were on mission and he started thinking. “He’s … he’s shown qualms about his own thoughts. After Wrecker, he seemed … conflicted. Especially when I was talking to him. And a few times he’s looked like something was bothering him, like … like maybe he was forgetting something? I’m not sure.”

“Hmm …” Sam stared down at the paper, his young face creasing in concentration. “That makes it sound like it’s probably mind control or an evil spell. When was the last time we fought a magic user?”

“Three months ago. But there’s always a chance that Tony ran into a magic user on his own.”

Suddenly, Pepper snapped her fingers, looking up at them all, bright-eyed and fierce. “He’s been seeing a new therapist.”

Steve felt his eyebrows shoot up. “Tony’s been seeing a therapist?” he blurted out, and then realized how callous that sounded. He hid his mouth behind his hand as the others all looked at him with differing degrees of incredulity.

“You didn’t know?” Jan asked, looking genuinely surprised. “It makes sense, doesn’t it? Tony’s been through a lot, and I know he still feels guilty about everything that happened with Ultron. Sometimes people need therapy, Steve.”

“I know that. I just … He didn’t tell me.”

“It’s not always easy for people to talk about,” Pepper said gently, putting her slim, cool hand on Steve’s shoulder. “I only know because I saw it in his schedule. He’s been going a few times a week.”

“When did he start going?”

“Two weeks ago.”

Steve frowned and looked down at the paper. “That’s right before we tangled with the Wrecking Crew.” He could feel their eyes on him, but he still felt blindsided. He’d thought … Well, he didn’t know what he’d thought.

After another moment of tense silence, Jim spoke. “Okay. We’ve got a suspect. Now we need information.”

“On it,” Pepper said, digging into her handbag and extracting a tablet. Just as she reached for the button though, she hesitated. “Will Tony be watching my actions?”

Sam held out his hand for the tablet, flicked his fingers over the screen a few times, moving lightning fast. Even from his state of shock, Steve felt a little flare of pride; if Tony, the real Tony, could see Sam right now, he’d be damn proud that his protégé was hacking through his firewalls with an ease he hadn’t had a year ago.

“It should be good to go,” Sam said, handing it back to Pepper.

Her fingers danced over the screen and at last she made a triumphant noise, turning the tablet and showing them all a daily calendar. “Here,” she said, pointing sharply, “is his new therapist. I’ve got an address.”

Gathering himself, Steve looked at their little team. He could do this. For Tony, he could do this. “Jan, I want you on recon. Sneak in and out. Go as tiny as you need. Do you want back-up?”

“I’ve got this,” Jan said with a fierce smile. “Mr. Therapist won’t know what hit him.”

“Pepper, Jim, can you try and slow Tony down? Anything at all you can do to keep him from … from doing something he wouldn’t normally do.”

Jim and Pepper traded a knowing look and then nodded to him. “Count on us, Cap,” Jim said, his face grim and determined. “We’ll keep Tony busy. I’ve got some ideas.”

“Me too,” Pepper said, her fingers already dancing across the tablet. “I am the queen of red tape, and I know how to throw it up just as well as I know how to take it down again.”

“Sam,” Steve said, turning to look at the Avengers’ youngest member, “I’m going to need your help. Magic or tech, either way, we need to figure out how to undo this. Are you up to it?”

“Always, Cap.”

 

* * *

 

 

Still cooped up in his apartment, Sam at his side, Steve listened with baited breath as Jan began her infiltration. “Honestly, could they make it any easier?” she said, flying in through the ventilation systems, shrunk down to a size even smaller than she usually used. “It’s like, we’ve been around for a while. They should know what we’re capable of.”

“Don’t get cocky, Wasp. There’s a chance—”

“I know, Cap. Don’t worry. I’m on the lookout.” On Sam’s laptop, there was a feed from Jan’s body cam, and Steve watched as she slipped into the darkened office. At first glance, it looked perfect normal: potted plants, cushy chairs, a desk, books and papers scattered everywhere. Next to him, Sam studied the room with narrowed eyes. “Wasp,” he said, “desk is mostly likely to have info but almost most likely to be booby trapped.”

Jan flitted down to the dark wood and laughed. “Jackpot!” she said, pointing to a keyhole. Steve had to look away, feeling slightly queasy as she shrunk herself down further and slipped in through the lock. After some contortions around the tumblers, she was in and she flipped on her tiny belt lamp. Rather than the office supplies Steve had been expecting, there was a strange-looking electronic device and a few stray pieces of paper. As Jan paced around it, he started putting together the shapes in his mind. Vaguely gun-shaped, but with two projections rather than one, made up piecemeal. It didn’t look slick and polished; it looked very much like DIY villainy.

“What do you think, Sam.”

“I think it’s pretty good evidence, but I need to know more about the device. Just seeing it isn’t gonna help me figure out how to fight it.”

“Okay then, wise guy,” Jan said over the coms, “give me some bright ideas.”

“Well, first thing we’re gonna do is scan that thing. Then I need you to check out his computer. There might be blueprints or notes.”

Jan took out the scanning device Sam had given her and walked around the strange double-barreled gun again; just as she finished her walk, there was a noise that sounded booming through Jan’s speakers. “Uh oh,” she whispered and Steve felt his heart clench. “We’ve got company.”

In the darkness of the drawer, Jan moved to the very back, pressing herself into a dusty corner and piling the stray notes in front of herself. She switched off her light and waited, and Steve felt like he himself was in the room with her, frozen and terrified of being caught. Whoever was in the office came closer and Jan’s mic started picking up clear speech. “Of course not, Mr. Stark,” the voice was saying. “You see, the government is wasting its resources on frivolous expenses. The world won’t need a military with you protecting it. You can put that money to better uses! Vaccines, famine, orphans. Just think of the good you could do.”

Steve’s stomach churned and his hands clenched into his desk until the wood groaned and cracked. So this was the monster who’d been messing with Tony. It sounded like a man, someone whose voice was somehow comforting, coaxing. He sounded almost reasonable, except for how he was spewing madness.

“No, no. You see once you have Senator Jackson where you want him, it will be easy to manipulate the government spending. And then soon enough you’ll be saving lives. … Yes. … Of course, Mr. Stark. … Excellent. I’ll see you on Tuesday.” There was a muffled clunk and then a sudden beam of light. Jan went perfectly still as a massive hand reached in and picked up the gun-looking device. The drawer remained open a crack while the person did whatever they were doing, and Jan crept forward enough for them to see.

It was a man, plain, middle-aged, medium build. Everything about him was unremarkable. On his head was a kind of skull cap, a single control panel directly over his temple. He manipulated the device in his hand pressing a few buttons here, a few there. Then he reached up at pressed the buttons at his temple, leaning back in his seat. “You will blackmail Senator Jackson,” he mumbled, closing his eyes, hands dancing over the strange device. “You will defund the military. _You_ will be the military now. You will protect this world.”

Next to Steve, Sam was watching intently, recording everything and typing notes at the speed of sound. “Okay Wasp,” he whispered, “you’ve got me some really good data. Get back to your hiding spot.” He spoke none too soon, because just as Jan started retreating, the man sighed and reached up to remove the head device. By the time the drawer was sliding open again, Jan was back in the corner, covered by notes and crouching. The gun was replaced and the drawer shut, the key locking it firmly. They all silently listened as the man bustled about his office, but at last, they heard the sound of the door shutting.  Jan waited another five minutes before emerging from the drawer hands on her hips.

“So he’s my least-favorite person ever.”

“You can say that again,” Steve mumbled, staring hard at the wall, hands buried in his armpits so he didn’t do any further damage to his desk.

“Did you get everything you need, Sam?”

“Maybe,” Sam replied, leaning back and tugging thoughtfully at his lip. “Let me think out loud for a minute. Hmm. So he’s acting as a therapist, planting thoughts in Tony’s head. But that can’t be all. Tony wouldn’t be coerced with suggestion alone. So he’s got the device. The device looks like it’s transmitting. Which means there has to be a receiver. He had to have planted a receiver on Tony somewhere. But where?”

“Some place not easily seen,” Jan said. “If we can see it, we ask about it.”

“It’s gotta be low-profile, too. Small. But it would need a power source.” Sam’s eyes widened as he said “power source” and he spun to Steve. At the same time, they all said, “The arc reactor.”

Something inside Steve cracked and tilted sideways. The idea that a villain, any villain, had tampered with the arc reactor again—Tony should never have to deal with that kind of violation. Steve was going to rip the man limb from limb if someone didn’t stop him. Next to him, Sam looked equally furious. On their monitor, Jan was already flying through the ducts, her hands clenched into fists in front of her. “What’s the plan, Cap?” she demanded as she burst free of the building.

Steve breathed hard through his nose, felt his nostrils flaring with rage. No good. Tony needed him. Steve needed to be Captain America right now, not an enraged boyfriend. “Call for backup, Wasp. You need to find that man and arrest him. I’m going to Tony. You’re coming with me Falcon. Suit up and move out.”

With all the haste that years of emergency calls had trained him in, Steve threw on his uniform and took up his shield, Sam right behind him. They took the stairs up to the roof staring across Brooklyn to Manhattan to where Stark Tower glowed bright and distant. “You sure about this, Falcon? I’m pretty heavy.”

“It’s for Tony. I can do this.”

With a final nod, Steve holstered his shield, turned into Sam and held on as they took off. It felt wrong to be doing a hug-and-fly with anyone but Tony, but it was _for_ Tony, so Steve grit his teeth and looked to the horizon, where the Avengers’ A was growing larger and larger. Sam’s arms were trembling around him, but the expression on his face was determined and angry.

For Tony.

They landed on the Iron Man disassembly rig and stared in to the penthouse. It was empty, so Steve assumed Jan had surreptitiously called the other Avengers out. He crouched down, eyes on the living space and started talking. “Okay. Game plan. You can probably make more conjectures about the tech than I can.”

Sam crouched with him, also staring in. “Can’t use a localized EMP. It would take out the reactor, and Tony needs that to survive. We’ll have to take it off the old-fashioned way. It might … you might have to subdue him.”

At the very thought, Steve shuddered. But he knew that Tony would want it done; he wouldn’t want to be under anyone’s control. “Okay. Let’s find him and do it.” They slipped inside, and Steve was gratified to see that their access hadn’t been revoked. If they could still get around the Tower, that meant Tony didn’t suspect anything yet. A quick sweep of the penthouse showed them that Tony was nowhere to be found in team quarters, so they took the elevator down to the lab. Sure enough, there he was, sitting behind glass, hands flashing through holograms. Here, with JARVIS hovering overhead, Steve didn’t dare speak out loud to coordinate with Sam, so he trusted instead that they’d worked together enough to be able to do this. With one final shared look, Sam passed his card over the entry point. The moment the light turned green, Steve burst through, rushing Tony with all the speed he could muster. Tony never had a chance

By the time Tony even registered that someone was in the lab, he was already in a bear hug, huge biceps bulging around him, keeping him captive, crushing him. “Hold still, Tony,” someone was saying, “this is for your own good.” He kicked ineffectually, heels colliding with steel-hard shins. Whoever was lifting him was taller than him and his toes didn’t even touch the ground.

 _No_ , an unwelcome voice whispered in his head. _No, they will end it. They will undo all the good you’ve done!”_ Suddenly Sam was in front of him yanking Tony’s T-shirt up away from the arc reactor. What were they doing? What were they doing?! Panic sang through his veins as Steve’s arms tightened and Sam’s fingers touched the glass. No. Not glass. Something else. When had he …

There was a sizzle and a clunk and suddenly a small metal disk with spidery legs fell to the floor. Tony blinked and blinked again, feeling like he was rising through a haze. The world felt sharper, clearer, than it had in weeks.

“Tony?”

That was Steve’s voice in his ear. Those must be Steve’s arms around his middle, Steve’s gloves against the bare skin of his stomach.

“Tony, do you know where you are?”

Dread crept into his throat as Tony looked up at his holo-screens, looked up at arrays of blackmail information, weapons designs, time tables. He … he had done that. He had done all of that. A sob ripped its way out of him and he felt his stomach drop away, his body fold ineffectually. Except Steve was there, arms still strong around him, chest solid against his back. And it was Steve’s hands now carding through his hair, gloves abandoned on a console, Steve’s voice in his ear, shushing and whispering it would be okay now.


	7. 3, 2, 1

The Avengers sat at Sunday morning brunch, ruffled and groggy, but all aware of the empty space next to Steve. Jan seemed particularly despondent and showed that despondency by demolishing her waffles with more violence than strictly necessary. Steve himself couldn’t help glancing toward the elevator doors every few minutes, as if he could will Tony through the doors if he just checked often enough.

“How long has he been in his lab?” Sam finally asked, setting down his fork and knife and lacing his fingers together in front of his mouth.

“Four days,” Steve said, following suit. His normally gargantuan appetite remained off following the incident with the man they’d dubbed “Controller” in the Avengers’ files. His real name was Basil Sandhurst, and he’d actually once worked for Stark Industries before being let go for unethical practices. He’d confessed easily and happily to Natasha, explaining his grand plan: world peace through complete control. Making sure that what had happened to his brother in the Ultron attacks never happened to anyone else. It sounded great except for how it was evil as hell. And he’d chosen Tony as his mouthpiece, because Tony had everything he needed: genius, money, power, connections. What better pawn? So he’d told Natasha, anyway.

Basil was now locked up in supermax, but the damage he’d wrought on the Avengers lingered in the air like poisonous miasma.

“When was the last time you went down, Steve?” Nat asked wearily, her eyes still puffy with sleep.

“I tried yesterday after dinner. The lab was still locked, and JARVIS wouldn’t let me in. I left him a tray. I’ll take more today.”

“You better just bust in, Cap,” Clint said, lazing back, posture nonchalant but eyes razor sharp. “He’s not gonna come out on his own. Dude just wants to wallow.”

“Do not be so hard on Anthony, Clinton. We have all trained as warriors for years. He entered this world not of his own volition, and now again he is forced to face his own powerlessness. You, too, would feel despair.”

Steve shot a grateful glance to Thor and then stood, gathering his untouched plate. If he wasn’t going to eat it, he was going to make damn sure that Tony would. “Thanks everyone,” he said, pouring out a thermos of coffee and ripping  away a sheet of plastic wrap to cover the food. “I appreciate your input and concern. I’ll…I’ll do my best.”

He made his way to the elevator, but not before Jan caught up. “Cap,” she said, trotting, hair already perfectly coiffed in spite of the hour. “Have you two … What are you … I mean you were dating …” Steve watched as her face contorted while she tried to find a way to tactfully get to the point. He decided to save her the trouble.

“I still care for Tony. A lot. I want to be with him. The question is if he’ll let me.”

“You make him so, so happy, Steve. I know he plays down his affection, but he feels the same about you. I know he does. Don’t let him go so easily.”

Steve nodded and gave Jan a weak smile. “I’ll try,” he told her and then slipped into the elevator, grateful when Jan didn’t follow. Once the door closed, he stared at his own reflection in the aluminum elevator walls. He didn’t like what he saw: a man too tired and too useless to find a way to help his boyfriend through the worst kind of strife. If it were a villain, Steve would know what to do. Analyze, devise, take down. But this kind of thing, the kind of internal guilt Tony shouldered onto himself, Steve didn’t know how to handle that. But he also knew he couldn’t give up.

He emerged in the sub-basement where Tony’s workshop was located and looked toward the entrance; the tray he’d brought before was there, the sandwich it’d held half eaten. So Tony had at least done that much. As with the last four days since they’d apprehended Sandhurst, Steve hit the intercom button and announced himsef. “Tony? I brought you breakfast.”

Shock was the least of Steve’s emotions when the doors slid smoothly open and Tony popped out, a huge grin on his face, his beard poorly kept and his hair even less so. “Steve, I’m so glad you’re here. I have something to show you. Come in.”

Before Steve could even answer, Tony had worked an arm around his shoulders and was guiding him into the lab at a clip that was almost outright jogging. He was talking a mile a minute: “I’m guessing you’ve already guessed, but there was a lot of work to be done after I started trying to take over the world. I spent a bunch of political capital destroying all the blackmail material I’d gathered up, and that satellite array I was building, well everything about that had to be changed. I’m making it into a free communications network for people who can’t afford cell phone plans. You know? I’m hoping to make it accessible to rural poor communities where the signal’s always going out, and if they have access to cell signal, they can start up net businesses. That’s the next big step. Small business grants. Like Kiva, except better. I’m not sure how I’m gonna make it better—Kiva’s pretty awesome—but I’ll think of something. I’m also building a protocol for Avengers so we can test each other for mind control. Can’t have me trying to take over the world again. God knows, I probably would’ve succeeded if it weren’t for you and Jan and Rhodey and Pepper and Sam. You guys are the best. I’m really grateful. I—”

“Tony!” Steve hadn’t meant to shout, but his voice echoed against the hard walls of the workshop and he winced as the echo faded. In front of him, Tony visibly wilted, looking away. “Tony,” Steve tried again, more gently, “breathe for minute, okay?”

It was painful to watch Tony puff himself back up before turning to Steve with a bright, Colgate-style smile. “Can’t breathe, Steve. Too much to do. No breathers allowed. Thanks for bringing the food though. Now would you be willing to take a look at these mind control protocols and help me—”

“Tony,” Steve said, setting aside the plate of waffles and gripping Tony’s biceps. “I will be happy to help you. But can we talk first?”

It was a wonder to him that Steve had, at once point, not been able to read Tony so closely. Once, that hard exterior and hyena mask might have fooled him and warded him off, but now it was so painfully transparent that it made Steve’s heart ache.

“Sure thing, Cap. No hard feelings. I understand. I know that after all that you’d want to … want to …” He took a big breath, the first sign of tiredness, what Tony would probably call “weakness,” he’d shown. “Maybe we should just, pretend none of it ever happened.”

“Tony, I don’t …” Steve sighed and let go of Tony to pinch his nose. “Pretend what never happened, exactly?”

Through the showmanship’s mask, Steve could see Tony cracking, falling apart piece by little piece. “Our … you know.” Tony gestured vaguely between the two of them, pulling away from Steve’s other hand. “ _Us_ , Cap.”

“You want … You want to pretend we never dated? Is that what you’re saying?”

“It’s …” Tony cracked further, his smile falling away. He looked up at the holo-screens to try and hide it, and Steve had to fight the impulse to just wrap him up in his arms and never let go. “It’s for the best, isn’t it? I hurt you.”

Steve’s heart broke, but anger reared up inside him too. He was glad Sandhurst was locked safely away, because if he’d been on the loose, Steve might have done something he would regret. Instead, he reached out and spun Tony back, seeing the way he was fighting tears in the corners of his eyes. “Tony,” he said, running his thumbs over Tony’s biceps, “Tony, no. _You_ didn’t hurt me. You didn’t do anything. Your actions weren’t your own. None of this was your fault.”

“But I still hurt you!” Tony said, trying to pull away from Steve’s grip. The gesture was half-hearted at best, though, and when Steve gently coaxed him closer, he didn’t fight it.

“I was hurt, yes, Tony, but not by you. Do you really think I’d blame you?”

“I tried to pull the Avengers apart. I … I hurt people,” Tony whispered, and he couldn’t meet Steve’s eyes.

Steve pursed his lips and tried to think. Finally he said, “Do you remember when Zemo pulled me into an illusion and made me see Bucky being tortured by his father?”

Tony sniffed and glanced up. “Yes. What does that have to do with—”

“I attacked you then. I know I did. Did you blame me afterward?”

“But that’s different?”

“How’s that different?”

“You fought back. You snapped out of it.”

“And you fought back, too. Or do you not remember how you hesitated, how you flinched away?”

“But it wasn’t enough!” Out of nowhere, Tony slapped Steve’s chest with both hands, his palms sharp and stinging. “I didn’t do enough,” he said, hitting again, more softly.

And that was the crux of the matter. Steve took Tony by his elbows and guided him backwards to his ratty sofa while Tony still slapped ineffectually, crying in earnest but trying hard to hide it. Steve sank onto the sofa and pulled Tony down after him, wrapping him up in a hug and keeping him close. “To me, you are always enough.”

Tony sobbed loudly only once, and then cried in silence, soaking the front of Steve’s gray t-shirt. While he cried himself out, Steve stroked his back, his neck, and he spoke, almost a whisper. “You do so much for all of us. You gave us all a home, even though we regularly tear holes in the walls; you make weapons for us, even when we’re the ones who break them; you have helped rebuild the city time and again, even though you don’t owe anyone your money or time or resources; you’ve helped the environment with your clean energy initiatives, even though the oil lobby has tried to stop you over and over again; you fund half-way houses for victims of abuse, scholarships for kids who need them, paid internship programs. You’re amazing, Tony. I wish you could see it. I wish you could see you the way I see you.” Steve bowed down and kissed the crown of Tony’s head. “But since you can’t, I hope you’ll let me keep telling you how wonderful you are and how much I love you.”

He could feel the stillness in Tony’s body, the way he seemed to freeze in the moment before slowly looking up at Steve, his eyes swollen and red, his nose running.

“You … you love me?”

“Yeah, Tony. I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time.”

“Even though I—”

“Even though everything,” Steve said, hastily pressing a finger over Tony’s lips. “ _Because_ of everything.”

“But we’ve only been dating … a month. Not even that because you can’t count the last couple of weeks.”

“Dating has got nothing to do with love. Besides, the way Jan tells it, we were already dating six months before we went on our first official date.”

Tony laughed wetly and buried his face in Steve’s shirt, sniffling a little as his fists tightened in Steve’s t-shirt. “I suppose that means I ruined our six-month anniversary.”

“No,” Steve said, tapping Tony’s nose a little playfully. “A villain ruined our six-month anniversary. I think that means we deserve a redo.”

“Steve,” Tony said slowly, propping himself up a little, his palms pressed to Steve’s chest, “would you like to go on a date with me? Tonight?”

“I’d like that very much, Tony,” Steve said, ducking his head so he could look at Tony through his eyelashes. Tony flushed a little, which wasn’t terribly flattering on top of his already blotchy complexion. Steve couldn’t care less. After a brief moment in which both of them stared at the other like lovesick fools, Tony leaned forward a little, his nose bumping Steve’s. “And Steve? I love you, too.”

 

* * *

 

 

Tony and Steve decided on ice cream and a walk in the park for their date and met at six o’clock on the nose to head out. Steve was careful to steer them clear of where the battle with the U-foes had taken place, and that seemed to work to his advantage. Tony made a real effort to be present, to not be caught up in his own head. They held hands like blushing teenagers and stopped at an ice cream stand near the south playground, where they ordered ridiculous hipster flavors. Steve licked at a honey-jalapeno-pickle cone while Tony made a horrified face at him. Tony’s own flavor was a much more subdued, though equally strange, goat cheese and roasted fig. Steve stole a few licks and then offered to let Tony have his own share of Steve’s.

“Not happening. Pickles! In ice cream! Honestly!”

For a time, they strolled in the twilight, Steve watching Tony surreptitiously from the corner of his eye. It was endearingly sweet to watching him lick absently at the cone while he chattered about the next Maria Stark Foundation fundraiser and contemplated how best to use the funds they would raise. Every once in a while he would fall silent, and Steve knew that even though Tony was making an effort, his mind was still elsewhere. But when he turned to Steve, bright-eyed, and said, “We could make it a family event for a change. Mini-golf with the Avengers. What do you think?” Steve couldn’t help but lean over and kiss him. Tony tasted sweetly of ice cream, and after a moment, he made a satisfied noise and threw his one free arm over Steve’s shoulder, going up on tip-toe to get even closer.

The world faded away and for a perfect moment, it was just the two of them, together and in love. Steve broke the kiss after a moment, smiling down at Tony, loving the way he could feel his eyes crinkling and the way Tony’s eyes crinkled in turn. But as always with the Avengers, peace never seemed to last in New York.

“There’s a portal over the pond,” someone yelled.

“The U-foes are back again.”

For one brief moment, Tony was looking up at Steve in utter shock. And then gradually his face morphed into a grin. “They’re not dead,” he whispered.

“No, they’re not,” Steve returned. “Guess even mind-controlled, you sent them somewhere they could come back from.”

“Guess so,” Tony murmured.

It was ridiculous. Civilians were running past them shouting, and still they stood stock still, absorbing the moment with each other.

“Shall we?” Steve said.

“Surely,” Tony said, still sweet and honey slow. He darted up for one last quick kiss and then ate the rest of his ice cream cone in three bites. Steve followed suit.

“Urgh, brain freeze,” Tony groaned, pressing his hand to his forehead. Then he pulled back and hit his wristlets to call the suit. “I’m really happy the U-foes are alive. Let’s go kick their asses.”

“You got it, Iron Man.” From his back, Steve pulled his shield out of its holster and together they charged forward.

**Author's Note:**

> For more fanfiction and nerdery, come visit me at [tumblr](http://arukou-arukou.tumblr.com/).


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